i never had a large group of close friend. i wouldn't describe myself as a loner but i just not comfortable being around other people that much and i prefer to do everything by myself. i do cycling, i do shopping, i do watching movies. when i ask my friend to accompany me and they cant make it. hmm im okay with that and the plan still on. it never be awkward for me when other people see me walking, eating alone at my college or sitting alone in the library. like seriously, who cares? .
when it comes to weekend, i rather spent my whole day time in my bedroom with my blackberry on my hand and my iPad lying next to me. i will play pokers, twitter, drawing or anything. i have drew everything on my walls and my moms cant say anything. perhaps she might think im the most weird kids in this world. haha. i never felt absence of close friend very strongly until now. i felt so empty mostly because i did have close friend when i was in high school and i can even be describe myself up through middle school perhaps as an outgoing person and i love to bullied all the new juniors. however in college, all this change. though i still had lots of friend here but i didnt spend time with them outside of the college. i think mainly because im so lazy to create a new friends or maybe they just not good enough for me (kidding).
it is strongly because i am not like any ordinary girl. i love jungle trekking, cycling, and any other extreme stuff. in actually, i did spend time with some stranger that i met just by saying hello to them like my fixed gear friend, my twitter friend and from random group i have joined. i am extremely independent person. i dont need other people to be happy (sometimes). i felt so comfortable when spending time with my old friends #kami sahaja and certain juniors. 'juniors'? nah, it might not a good decision to hang around. seems they makes me feels like im too old for them. -_-. apart from my emptiness life, sometimes i feel like i can be so stupid by following people wherever or whenever they want to go without getting anything. some other time, i will just do anything for them as long as i still can be with them and its totally sucks. i have talked to some people close to me about this feeling. i just have some reason trouble in making the kind of friends who call to love to do the same stuff as i did. woahaha.
last, im sorry for being too honest here.